I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
