mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
