Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
