nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
