so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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