I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
