So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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