Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
