Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
