you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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