me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
