Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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