I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
