I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
