I faked an abortion last night.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
