you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
