There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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