I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
