I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
