ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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