I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Two words: blizzard sex
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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