Someone shit on the floor
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
