Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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