I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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