new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I could fuck to npr.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
