quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
