Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
