Try telling him "it really turns me on when you use a softer, more delicate approach". For the most part, with any sentence starting with "it really turns me on when..." he is going to take note. Just don't abuse the power!
Speaking as a guy, we suck at "polite" and "subtle" (no pun intended). I think "my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you" conveys your thoughts perfectly.
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