he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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