i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
