I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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