dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
