And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
