Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
