I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
