I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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