brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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