I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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