the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
