your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
