i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I intend to get homeless drunk
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
