Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
