why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
