smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
