I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
