Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
