Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
