Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
