WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Bring me that man meat
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
