She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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